Article 10: From an Experiencer’s Perspective: The Story of a Saskatchewan Day School Survivor
Nateshia Constant
This is the story of a child survivor of who attended Indian Day School (established in 1892 and closed on September 1, 1979), Shoal Lake and Red Earth (established in 1902 and closed on September 1, 1980), Saskatchewan. The interviewee wishes to be anonymous, but she felt it was important to share her story about Indian Day school. In this story, we will identify the protagonist as Little Ms. Little Ms. is now 54 years of age, and she currently works within the school system. She was a former student of Shoal Lake Elementary School and Red Earth John William Head Memorial High School Centre. Both were affiliated with the Anglican Church.
Little Ms. started off her story by mentioning that her childhood felt like a blur to her. There were a few things she could remember because she mostly did not want to remember her time in day school. She said “I grew up with my parents and grandparents. We had an animal farm with horses, chickens, and cows. It was a big farm.” Little Ms. expressed how hard it was to grow up in a community where most of the children went to residential school (her parents) and day school (her and her siblings), and a lot more community members. The community was small, roughly about 300-500 people, but it was a tight knit community. She grew up in a parental society type of community where any parent can punish a child or give the child a spank. The child would get the spank right at the place where they got into trouble. Another punishment would be given if the child is allowed to wait at home for their parent. Little Ms. believes that this kind of treatment to children stems back to residential schools where the children were punished by their teachers.
Little Ms. could remember her first day of school when she was attending kindergarten. Unlike other children, she was not taken to kindergarten by her parents because her parents had too many bad memories from attending residential school. The memories of attending residential school still hunted her parents when she started school; therefore, her parents tried hiding their sad feelings by not showing up at her day school. However, her first day of school was still interesting for her because her older siblings were able to walk her there. Her siblings made her walk a memorable one– the walk to school was short but wonderful. Little Ms. described her walk to school as a jolly one because she was laughing and having fun with her siblings on her the way. However, once she arrived at school, the joy was gone. Her memories of the day school were so terrible that to this day, she felt she was lucky to have survived the experience.
Little Ms. had a particular horrid memory that shaped the rest of her schooling life. Whenever she needed to go to the washroom, she would get a “No” from the teachers. Each of the children in her class were only allowed to go to the washroom once a week. When Little Ms. put up her hand one time to go to the washroom during class, she was told NO! She was only five years old and they treated her that way. No matter how badly she needed to use the facilities she would be told “No”. So, eventually, she urinated on herself in class. The teachers felt no remorse for their cruelty, and they even made Little Ms. stand in front of the class to humiliate her because she couldn’t wait to use the toilet. They also shamed her in front of the parents who came to pick up their children. From this public humiliation, she decided not eat or drink. If she really need to it would be very minimal. Her apparent abstinence from food and drink was so that she would not have to use the washroom during class. The students would have to wait till recess time, but sometimes, they were not allowed to leave the classroom or out of the school. Children had no freedom in day school, especially the freedom of using the washroom. This particular rule continues to negatively impact Little Ms.’s health till today. Her physical growth was stunted due to starvation. She was small for her age, and she was always afraid of her teachers.
Like many other students in kindergarten, Little Ms. entered grade one. According to her, “entering grade one was not exciting. I was still haunted by the experience of asking to use the facilities.” The only good thing about the washroom in grade one was the available running water. Luckily, the school was one of the places with running water in the community during that period in time. Little Ms. liked the running water because with running water they could take a shower. She was so excited that she imagined herself having a shower at school without having to see her family haul water in order to take a bath. Taking a shower at school was supposed to be comfortable and wonderful, but Little Ms. was taken aback when she found out that all the girls had to use one stall to take a shower at the same time. The stall was packed with little girls taking turns to stand under one shower. Most teachers, plus the principal, made sure the students felt ashamed to see their own skin colour. During the shower time, the male principal would enter the girls’ room while they were all naked and he would yell at them to hurry up while calling them dirty Indians. He would also blame the young girls for the dirty condition of the washroom. Not only did he scold the young girls, he also humiliated their up-bringing, culture and traditions. He was constantly yelling at the girls for their dark skin because the Aboriginal girls looked dirty to his eye. The children listened to the principal no matter what he said about their culture and tradition. If he commanded the girls to get up and get dressed, or to hurry up for anything, they must do it immediately; otherwise, they would get punished. The punishment usually was whipping on the hands. After they got a hard punishment at school, it was not over. Little Ms. said there would be another whipping waiting for her at home because she got in trouble at school, which was humiliating to her parents. Little Ms. described her home punishment as a short and skinny willow on the table waiting to be used on her small body.
For the first three years at day school, Little Ms. found it hard to avoid being bullied. She was not only bullied by the teachers, but by her peers as well. When she was forced to stand in front of her class because of her urinating problem in class, the kids did not only tease her in class but also after school. The things that happened in the school were brought back into the community and the teasing or humiliation continued which made Little Ms. always aware of what she was doing and what they would do to her. She thought to herself that she must grow up strong enough to fight back.
In Grade 3, Little Ms. found a way to improve her school life a little bit. At the time, she was eight years old. She did some major sucking up to the teachers. She wanted to make sure the teachers see her for who she was. She made sure that she was seen as a good girl and soft hearted.
Little Ms. finally got a bit of a break from humiliation because she had two nice teachers in Grade 4. She thought they were nice, compassionate, loving and kind. Little Ms. described her school days in Grade 4 as a nice slow healing process. The two teachers were her safe guards. When Little Ms. needed help, they offered her. Both teachers treated her as their family member. They also shared time with Little Ms. by taking her and her siblings on outings and short trips, which made her like day school better than before.
Little Ms.’s school life in Grade 6 was a little different from those of Grades 4 and 5. It was tough; however, in a way, that gave Little Ms. an abundance of responsibility. The principal made her raise the funds for all students in Grade 6 to spend for the whole year. She fundraised enough for everyone to go to Alberta for a field trip. Little Ms.’s elementary school days were not pleasant, but she was able to learn how to fund raise for travel and further studies. As Little Ms. put it: “Being put in the role of an advocate, where I had a lot of responsibilities from grades 4 to 6, I made sure that our plans went through every stage of the fund-raising process. I wanted everyone to feel some sort of freedom and to make sure we felt cared for.” At movie nights she was the projector, but before the movies, she would be at the elementary school from 3:00 pm to 6:30 pm making popcorn, and juice for other students to sell for their fund raising during the movie nights. Other fund-raising activities were bake sales, and beer bottle picking. All the money earned from these activities were used for their year end trips. She made sure everyone had enough to go back home. She also made sure that the funds lasted a whole year. Lots of responsibilities were put on this young girl, but she was equal to the tasks.
In order for the reader to benefit from particular events in the life of the Little Ms. during her time in day school, I asked her some questions.
Nateshia Constant: How did you pass your time through Day School?
Little Ms.: Those years, my approach was that I became the leader of each school club such as Knitting Club and Gardening Club. My school mates called me Ambassador because I could speak and give instructions in both Cree and English. While people from farms helped teach forage programs, students were also taught how to knit and build a garden. I liked to carry on the responsibility to help out because I understood both English and Cree, which were an advantage for me. Sometimes, my parents would talk to people in Cree and I would have to translate for them into English, and sometimes, the other way around. I was their little translator. That is something I enjoyed—being a cultural ambassador, doing things and helping out my peers and community.
Nateshia Constant: What memory stood out for you, and which you would like to share?
Little Ms.: At the high school, we had home economic teachers who taught us how to take care of ourselves: hygiene, cleaning, makeup, etc. Because they taught us the things we enjoyed learning about, we learnt a lot, from typing classes to cooking classes, and to sewing classes. We also learnt how to make our own clothing. We learnt what to wear at different occasions. That was my favorite memory of the high school.
I had a teacher called Ms. Sales. She took us on trips to salons for hair care, nails, and everything girls liked. I was always excited to go with Ms. Sales. One trip was to go and get fabric to make our own cloths, including pillows and other fascinating things.
Another thing I liked was gym. I joined the soccer program, and I played volley ball and basketball. Furthermore, I enjoyed trips to play with other teams in surrounding communities. Nipawin was the furthest choice land. For soccer, we would go to Tisdale to paly against the team there. We played volleyball in Hudson Bay, and Carrot River. We also went on ski trip to Wapiti, which is outside Nipawin.
In Grade 10, I was on an Ontario trip. In order to go on that trip, I had to fundraise by organizing rolling skating nights every Thursday, and I had an open canteen dancing there. I was very happy to have lots of fund-raising events. I also told my teacher that I had done a lot. I enjoyed our one-week trip to Ontario. On that trip, we took a flight from Saskatoon to Ottawa. From Ottawa, we took a train to Toronto, which was another wonderful memory of mine from attending day school.
Nateshia Constant: Besides the abusive days of your childhood, what are other happy memories of day school?
Little Ms.: My favorite childhood memory was from one of the trips that I took with my favourite two teachers. We stopped in Nipawin for supper, and in The Pas for shopping. The trip gave me some hope to stay in day school. All the trips outside my community were my happy memories.
Whenever my parents were sober, those were also my happy memories. They made us sit as a family of ten people at a table. When they came home from their trips, they would bring bikes and gifts to us. I was close with my grandma picking berries or cleaning meat. I was also close to my grandpa who took me on fishing trips.
Nateshia Constant: Could you tell us your high school experience?
Little Ms.: Life in junior high/high school was different. I was no longer living away from home, so I had to commute from Shoal Lake to Red Earth every morning and evening. My siblings and I woke up weekdays at 6 am to get to Red Earth on time. At this time, I was still a private person and didn’t like adults invading my life as when I was in elementary school. I liked to be alone. By the time I entered high school, I knew the dos and don’ts, and other rules, and I did not want to break them or be around anyone who would like to break the rules. I knew exactly what would be waiting for me if I got punished. That made me keep things to myself, and later this attitude would be a source of pain later in my life. Bullying was everywhere, whether in a small or large community. I didn’t want to be the talk of the town or among my schoolmates. I didn’t feel that school was a safe place as it ought to be.
Nateshia Constant: Did you experience any specific bullying?
Little Ms.: Yes, Jr. High was hard because of bullying. I felt like I was sort of an outcast. Going to school was really hard because the only friends I had were my siblings. I had to fight my own battles. I couldn’t imagine my own children would go through such acts. One of the last memories I want to share was the day the principal came into my classroom while we were playing aloud and staying inside the classroom during recess. My heart raced when I saw the principal come in because he was not nice to us. He used the ruler to hit the desks and yelled at us: “You, dirty little Indians and stinky kids!” I thought he was going to hit us using the ruler. Other children were scared too because there was no where to run or hide. The principal came up to me and pulled my hair because I was not moving fast enough to avoid him. He pulled a lot of hair out of my head. My scalp got so sore in the bald spot that I got a gruesome headache later. However, I was not allowed to complain. I knew that I was not allowed to tell my parents. If I did, my parents would have thought I deserved it, and I might have got another punishment from them. I felt I had no one to go to. That night when I was home, I asked my mom if I could take a bath. My mother thought I had wet my pants again. However, in this case I had to tell my parents what had happened in school. I explained what the principal did to me. Just as I had feared, I got in trouble again because my parents thought I must have done something to deserve the punishment from the principal. It was hard for me to tell the truth to my parents because they would believe in adults rather than the children.
Life outside the school was not that much different for me because during the days of growing up in Shoal Lake, my parents were daily alcoholics. My dad would beat my mom to near death. Being a child, I didn’t know how to get help for my parents. I did not know how to hide from them during those hard times either. But I remembered two places as my shelters: there was one spot in the attic or a crawl space where my parents wouldn’t be able to reach me. I would hide in those places while my parents were fighting. I believe that my parents acted this way because they were both residential school survivors. They wanted to drink away the sad memories of the brutal times they endured in the schools. That was my parents’ way of coping with surviving residentials school. Sometimes, my father looked like a man I never knew. My parents also learnt how to punish their children from the teachers and principals at residential schools. When my parents were sober, they were always the best and loving parents. They would take us on trips. But once a bad memory floated into my dad’s head, he was a walking time bomb. If something irritated him, everyone would go running and hiding. My parents grew up in residential school, and they didn’t learn how to properly love or communicate with others. They inherited their discipline methods from their parents too. When they stayed up late giggling, their parents would beat them with a broom stick until it broke in half. Not only did the residential school affect my parents, it also affected their children as well. We would get beatings from our parents because that’s what they learnt growing up. The residential school experience was so bad that it even stopped my parents from attending their children’s school functions and parent teacher days. Those were bad experiences which we had from our parents. We couldn’t share exciting days such as the first day of school with our parents because they were to afraid to showup at any school. As a people, our self-esteem was damaged, from my grandparents to my immediate parents, and the sad experience is still affecting us. The traumas continue from generation to generation.
Nateshia Constant: What did you learn from your day school experience?
Little Ms.: After going to day school, I wanted to make sure my children were always in a safe environment. I don’t want to see my children go through the kind of hardships that I went through. I made a promise to myself that I would always be present, give voices to my children, and listen to the other side of the story before disciplining my children. I will ensure that I don’t abuse my children even when there is the perceived need for discipline. I wanted to make sure my children were in a loving environment. I am keen on breaking the cycle traumatic influence in my family. I will make sure that I am there for my children’s awards, achievements, and sports. I wanted a change and the change started with my own family. My parenting approach include expressing love to my children with spoiling them. I made sure to teach them life skills so that they would be able to provide for themselves when they are older. I wanted to make sure my children make it in life.
Nateshia Constant: Do you think the abuse you experience from home and school was because of the school system?
Little Ms.: For the longest time, I have prayed and meditated as I wanted to get myself over the abusive experiences. In 2019, so many years after my time in day school, my past experience still caused me to get anxiety bouts. It started flaring up around this time too. My anxiety hurt so much that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I got to a point where I needed to see a doctor and to seek medical help. Time to time, I said to myself that I must forget those bad experiences from home and school, but I still can’t.
Nateshia Constant: What do you want to say to the Aboriginal people?
Little Ms.: I want other people out there to know that it is okay to ask for help. It doesn’t matter when you need help, whether it’s years later or after the actions happened. The reason why I told her story was to help people understand what effects residential and day schools have on Aboriginal people. The effect is so deep that it still leaks into generations. Also, you can still live a happy life later, and it is up to the person to decide how to proceed into the future.
Nateshia Constant: Thank you Little Ms. Your story will help other people to understand how intergenerational trauma affects us, and how we make efforts in the healing process.
