Article 5 – The Neckbone Eating Championship of the World

A Play in One Act
Written By: Shelby Tobacco

This play is dedicated to our Brother, who was lost to the suicide spirit.

William “Rossy” Patchinose
June 4th, 1998 – August 20th, 2018
We miss you.

Cast of Characters
Danielle: A woman in her early 20s. The quiet, young and smart woman with one daughter. Her husband cheats on her, and he is physically abusive. She is the mother hen of the group and is always the reasonable one.
Paula: A woman in her early 20s. She is the youngest and toughest of the group. She has 6 kids and is the dominant partner in her relationship. She is Marie’s first cousin and the youngest in the group.
Marie: A woman in her early 20s. She has recently lost her brother to suicide. She has 2 kids and a common law partner. She is the most attractive of the group and is often out of the loop.
Shelby: A woman in her early 20s. She was married young, and her husband has recently left her. She has 3 kids. She is the most political and loudest of the group.

Sam: Danielle’s Husband who is having an affair; he is also abusive towards her.

This play is set in Crossing Bay, a Reserve in northern Manitoba, in late August, during the community’s Indian Days celebration.

Act 1 Scene 1: Finding Babysitters
(Shelby and Paula are sitting around Paula’s Kitchen table playing bingo and discussing the upcoming Indian days. They were also waiting for Marie and Danielle to come over)
(PAULA gets up to smoke a cigarette by her window)
PAULA
You kids get out of the tree, or someone will break their neck!!
So Shelb, have you found a babysitter yet for Indian Days?
SHELBY
No, not even, I am hoping my mom will be free that weekend. I haven’t been out in forever and I really want to go check out the socials.

PAULA
Ahhh… one of my sisters will keep my 6 kids. I need to go out and take a break too.
Geeze, I wish this girls will hurry up with the bingo cards. Always running on Indian time these girls.
(Danielle and Marie walk through the door holding bingo cards)
MARIE
Don’t get your panties in wand, we’re here.

(Marie throws the bingo cards on the table)

SHELBY
Finally!!! Did you guys go to Africa to pick up the cards? Now I can smudge my dabbers and pray to win the big Bingo pot tonight! Just kidding.
MARIE
Did you guys hear?
All the ladies
What?!
MARIE
They are having a “Neck bone eating Championship of the World” this year at Indian Days.
PAULA
Neeee…Mar you could win.
DANIELLE
Are they for real going to have a “Neck bone eating contest?”
MARIE
That is what the flyer says.
(Marie holds up a flyer of the contest.)
SHELBY
Well, I guess we will have to go check it out; that is, if we have babysitters of course
(The radio comes on, and the ladies begin playing bingo)
(Curtain closes)
Act 1 Scene 2: Danielle comes home
(Danielle’s husband is on the phone with another woman as Danielle walks in through the door.)
SAM
(Whispering on the phone)
Baby, I will come pick you up as soon as my wife comes home with the vehicle.
DANIELLE
Sam, I am home.
SAM
Where have you been? I have been waiting for you for hours. I suppose you were with those women again. I don’t like you hanging around them. They are bad influences.
DANIELLE
I was only at Paula’s house playing bingo. I came straight home afterwards.
SAM
Well, Danielle, if you do not listen to me, you know what is going to happen. I told you over and over….
DANIELLE
Please Sam, no.
SAM
You only listen when I get mad at you. You like getting me mad? Eh??
DANIELLE
Please Sam, no. Our baby is sleeping.
(Sam strikes her and Danielle weeps quietly)
(Thundering music plays and curtains close)
Act 1 Scene 3: Aftermath
(Marie and Shelby stop by at Danielle’s home for coffee the next morning. They knock on the door)
SHELBY
Hello. Dan? Are you awake?
DANIELLE
Yes, hold on.
(Danielle is wearing sunglasses and is still in her housecoat, she answers the door)
SHELBY AND MARIE
(Shelby and Marie look shock and gasp)
Marie
Holy…are you okay bro?? What happened? Why did he get mad?
(The ladies walk towards her kitchen table and sit down)
DANIELLE
I don’t know why he got mad. At least I didn’t scream or yell this time. I didn’t want to wake baby.
SHELBY
This is getting out of hand. How long are you going to put up with this? One of these days he is really going to hurt you.
(Danielle hangs her hand low and shakes her head)
MARIE
You know what you should do, Dan?
DANIELLE
What’s that?
MARIE
Make him supper.
DANIELLE
Make him supper?
MARIE
Yeah, make him some soup and bannock. Let it cook all day. Throw everything in there. Hamburger, potatoes, carrots, anything you have in the fridge. Make sure it cooks all day. And don’t forget your bannock. Throw in a lot of lard when you make it so it will be nice and hard. And when he comes home throw the pot of soup on top of his hand and take your bannock out of the oven and just give him a real good bannock slap. Yup!!! Slap him real good! Bannock slap across the ass!!!
All the ladies laugh
(There is a knock at the door)
(It is Paula)
PAULA
Marie!!! Come quick, it is your Brother.

MARIE
What is wrong?

PAULA
They found him hanging on a tree down by the lake
(All the ladies stand up and scurry towards the door)
(Sad classical music plays and the scene fades out and curtain closes)
ACT 1 SCENE 4: No more Brother
(The ladies are standing next to a tree, holding and comforting Marie)
SHELBY
I am so sorry Marie, he was like a brother to all of us.
PAULA
Poor Brother, I wish I knew what was wrong with him. If I knew he was sad, I would have said something to try and help him.
DANIELLE
I wish there was no such thing as Suicide Spirit.
MARIE
(Falls to hear knees and cries uncontrollably)
(Soft Pow Wow music Plays and lights dim, Curtains Close)

2 weeks later
ACT 1 Scene 5: Driving in our Indian Car
(The ladies get ready to go to Indian Days, they are driving Shelby’s car)
SHELBY
Finally, we get a break. After my husband left me for that younger women, 3 kids are hard to handle by myself.
PAULA
No kidding Shelb, Your husband is an asshole.
DANIELLE
We all warned you before you married him
Marie
Yup, no one told you to marry him and go have 3 kids with him.
SHELBY
Holy, you guys are assholes. No pity.
DANIELLE
Just kidding Shelb, you know we will always be here for you.
PAULA
Yup! Who needs A MAN? They are nothing but expensive, useless assholes anyways.
Marie
We will always be here for each other, no matter what.
All THE LADIES
Amen to that!
PAULA
Well this weekend I am going snagging. Going to find me the best looking, tall, dark and handsome neechie at Indian Days
DANIELLE
Are you going to take him home to your 6 kids too?
PAULA
YUP! He could babysit for me.
SHELBY
Boy, this Paula, you would too?
PAULA
Well, at least I am not sitting around being sad.
DANIELLE
What should we do first when we get to the treaty grounds for Indian Days?
MARIE
Let’s go check out the Neck-bone Eating Contest. 200 bucks and a jacket on the line, who ever could eat and clean the Neck bone the fastest.
SHELBY
Alright, let’s go. Something different anyways.
(The music is playing, “Driving in my Indian Car By: Keith Scola)
(Lights fade out, Curtain Closes)

ACT 1: SCENE 6: The Championship
(Marie is at a table, between two large Native Men)
(Event Announcer could be heard (Audio only))
ANNOUNCER
Alright ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the 2018 Opaskwayak Indian Days. Our first event of the yearrrrrr…..”The Neck Bone Eating Championship of the Woorrrllld.
(The ladies are on the side of the stage clapping and whooping)
SHELBY
Come on Marie!!! You could do it!!!!
PAULA
Show them how it’s done Mar!!!
ANNOUNCER
Alright folks, we are just about to begin. Everyone has his or her Neck bones? Okay. The point is to clean them as best as you can in 45 seconds. Whoever cleans it the best goes home with $200.00 and a brand new jacket! Are you ready? Okay! GO!!!
(Marie sits with poise and delicacy, eating the Neck bone carefully and slowly)
(The men are eating messy and fast)

ANNOUNCER
Now take note people! The lady is showing us how to eat a Neck bone with grace and class. She did have nail polish when she started the contest. I can see that some of it has peeled off!
ANNOUNCER
Okay, times up!!!
We have a winner!!! Marie of Crossing Bay!!!
(Ladies Cheering)
PAULA
Right on Mar! I knew you could do it.
SHELBY
So? Are you going to pay for gas home?
DANIELLE
Neeee…Mar. “Neck-bone Champ of the World.
(“We are the Champions of the World. By: Queen, plays)
(Curtains close)

ACT 1: Scene 7: Going Home Winners
(All four women are driving back home to Crossing Bay. They stop to drop off Danielle at her house. Danielle and the ladies find her husband in bed with another woman.)
PAULA
Right on, Marie. That was fun!
SHELBY
It sure was.
DANIELLE
Something we will always remember.
PAULA
Look, Dan your lights are still on. I thought Sam and baby went to stay at his Mom’s?
DANIELLE
I called home earlier they said that only baby was there, Sam must be home.
MARIE
Well, we will come share a smoke with you, before we head home.
SHELBY
Yeah, plus I need to use the washroom.
DANIELLE
Well you guys come inside then.
(The ladies get out of the vehicle and walk towards the house and go inside)
DANIELLE
Sam is home, his shoes are still here. But I don’t recognize these shoes.
(Danielle holds up a pair of women’s shoes)
(The ladies look at each other suspiciously)
(Danielle walks towards the bedroom, and finds another women in bed with her Husband)
DANIELLE
SAM!!! You asshole!!! What the hell is going on here??!! Get out of my house!! And who are you?!! Get out of my bed and get out of my house.
SAM
I’m sorry Danielle. I thought that you would have stayed out all night at Indian Days.
DANIELLE
No!! I am sick of your bullshit! Get out of my house!! Get out of my life!! And take that bitch with you.
(Sam and the other woman head toward the door)
(The ladies are standing there blocking the doorway.)
PAULA
Well ladies? Shall we???
MARIE
I have been waiting a long time to do this.
SHELBY
Me too.
MARIE
We will let the woman go.
PAULA
I suppose we could spare her.
(Shelby opens the door and lets the woman out of the house.)
(The ladies all look at each other and take of their shoes.)
PAULA
Alright, on the count of three!!
(The ladies lift their shoes over their heads)
PAULA
One, two, three!!!
(The ladies begin whacking Sam over the head and body with their shoes, as he crawls out the door)
(When the door shuts, lights shut off and curtain closes)

ACT 1: SCENE 8: Victory Supper
(The ladies are sitting around Danielle’s kitchen table, eating soup and bannock)
MARIE
And just to think, you didn’t even have to make soup and bannock
(All the ladies throw their hands back and laugh)
DANIELLE
I just could not take it anymore. The hitting and the cheating. I could not do it anymore.
PAULA
I know, Dan that is why we are here. You cannot do it alone, but I am glad we are here with you.
SHELBY
Yup, and I will hit any man again with my shoe and give them a licking for you girls
MARIE
Well, let’s hope we never have to again.
DANIELLE
I don’t know what I would do without you girls.
SHELBY
Well, that is what friends are for.
PAULA
Not friends, sisters.
(All the ladies hold hands and smile at one another.)
(Curtains closes and soft music plays)
THE END

About the Author: Shelby Tobacco is from Mosakahiken Cree Nation. She is a mother of three small children. Shelby is enrolled in the Bachelor of Arts 4 year program with a major in Social Science. She enjoys food, political science, and her kids.

Instructor’s Remark:Shelby’s play “The Neck Bone Championship of the World” was submitted as a creative writing piece in the ENG 1002 course in fall of 2018, which I had the privilege of teaching. Through this play, Shelby revisits the problems of spousal abuse and suicide in her community. It is also important to note that the people of her community still find the time to celebrate life in the midst of a tragedy. This evokes the resilient spirit of her people – Dr. Joseph Atoyebi